Sunday 4 April 2021

A Candy Conundrum


Photo by Zoltan Tasi on Unsplash

A Candy Conundrum

Relationship matters


On Halloween, the subject of candy, or sweets, as some of us would call them, cannot be avoided. Advertisements everywhere, reminders to buy treats, even though trick or treating has been ruled out due to the risk of spreading Covid-19. I set up a treasure hunt indoors for my granddaughter, searching out mini packets of candy under beds and behind doors. It was fun for a little while and helped to give the day a Halloween feel.

But that is not what this story is really about. What I am going to describe is a serious issue that affects the enjoyment of candy, impacting on relationships. At least I am assuming that there are many couples out there who have this same problem. In the grand scheme of things it might seem relatively minor, but believe me, it is only minor if you are not afflicted by it.

Here is how it begins. Early in your relationship, it feels good to go to the cinema, and just before you take up your seats, you probably buy some candy or popcorn. If you only buy popcorn, then you can avoid this little problem. If you choose  soft candy, everything will be alright also. It is the hard candy, the boiled sweets, the pear drops, bulls-eyes, the gob stoppers and any other variety in this category that cause the problem. You buy a bagful to share, because sharing brings you closer and dating is all about sharing.

You have already had the discussion about which candies you like best, and probably compromised a little on the varieties, so that every type you bought  you are happy to share. You sit down and the film starts. He passes the bag over to you and you choose one, pop it in your mouth and start to roll it about your tongue, sucking it slowly to get the full benefit of the flavour.

He takes one from the bag, pops it in his mouth and immediately crunches it up and it is gone! He takes another, but of course since you are still sucking your candy slowly, you are no way ready for another one. His second candy is smashed to smithereens in his mouth in no time at all. Before long, he has consumed more than half the candies and you have only had two or three. In addition, you find the crunching noises really quite irritating, making it hard to concentrate on the dramatic bits of the film.

Well friends, let me tell you, there is no satisfactory solution to this problem if you want to continue to share your bag of candy. You will simply have to accept that he is a cruncher and you are a sucker because he certainly won’t change, and why should you?

My suggestion on how to overcome this relationship incompatibility is to choose chocolate instead. Even crunchers become seduced by the smooth, velvety texture of chocolate. They may consume a little more than you, as they unthinkingly chew the first one or two, but don’t despair, he will soon settle to a more leisurely eating pattern as the endorphins begin to circulate in his bloodstream. The result will be a much more mellow partner, no unpleasant mouth noises to disturb your pleasure in watching the film and a much more equal distribution of your chosen candies.

Previously published in Medium

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